Don’t compare me to other people—mainly because, on my worst days, my brain lights up with comments and questions you might never hear.
I’m not other people, I’m me and I can only do what I can do—right? This person is a sacred adult, though, perhaps they know something I don’t…maybe I can do things I can’t do, like I can only not do them because I think that way! Perhaps I can do anything anyone can do! Perhaps I’m not applying enough effort or focus…of course that’s true, I know my level of self-control and discipline is bad or pathetic. Crap, I suck. Why can’t I do things like everyone else?
At some bizarre point in my life I became self-aware, though didn’t fully understand exactly what I was aware of…my inner dialog changed. On my worst days it went something like this:
Oh shit it’s happening again, do you have any idea how worthless or potentially destructive it is to compare a person to someone else? What do you think you’re accomplishing? Literally…perhaps you’ve forgotten the last time we did this? Oh fuck, I’ve caused you so much stress your memory is being disrupted. That’s so bad. Why can’t I control this better? Why haven’t I helped you gain the wisdom you need to control this better? Am I doomed to repeat these experiences of how annoyingly or violently ignorant humans can be? Why is everyone so stupid? How am I still being stupid?
It’s important for me to admit that a long time ago ‘stupid’ became something like a virus we all caught and had to recover from, if we were able. Highly contagious, indestructible and often mutating, ‘stupid’ parasites invade a body through everything—air, water, and food are all contaminated. There are few remedies and no cures, a mind’s only option is management. The challenge of managing the symptoms of such a virus is that everyone’s got them and sometimes it’s impossible to get away from.
In conclusion, managing my degree of ‘stupid infection’ overlapped with the non-managing of my ADHD. We’re all stupid {or silly, absurd, excessive} about certain things or simply in waves, but for me that’s not always the case even when it looks that way. Long term impact from not being taken seriously by adults is that we may develop an 'inability to judge our own merit' {twitter person, I'll get you a proper shout out}. Is this thing I’m upset about worthy of my feelings? I’m okay if it’s not, if you promise to help me change my perspective. Exaggerate for me, share with me your passion even if it’s only skin deep—get excited for me, we’ll learn how to do it correctly together.
Perhaps you’ve been stifling me without knowing it, we'll all learning fascinating lessons in this place we call 'social reality'—here’s an outburst I remember, from a long time ago {3+ years}
I didn’t know how to get over it on my own so I gave some of it to you so you’d have to help me
The wording isn’t precise, but my Spousums of 10+ years have begun to explore what I was talking about—I can’t do things like everyone else and that’s fine because we aren’t like everyone else. He gave me the impression that he wanted to be—this was a social event {otherwise known as 'things people say to me'} that disrupted my processing systems, which wasn’t a rare thing during most of my life. Is why I’ve become rather burnt out on people—pandemic? Fine, stay at home I will. Cleansing and prepping the house, working on wildlife sanctuary, doing lots of writing and spell-work {healing and protections, mostly}…sounds like what I’ve been seeking to do since I got here.
