Bad Title

I came up with this witty title White People Struggling after watching this strange but interesting movie called Brown Girl Rising. My goal was to play with ‘is her skin colour her primary characteristic?’ while giving a shout out to the movie, which looked very independent and small-time. I chastised myself for making everything about me, fairly confident that this is the ‘humour’ that gets me into trouble because it’s only funny from certain ignorant white people perspective. As to why I feel compelled to share all this; I believe recognizing honesty and humility within myself will win battles to shed racism more than criticizing others. Also because I swear to everything holy that I watched this trippy movie, but I can find no record of it now...or I'd have shared a link.

Anyhow...I hear a lot about white privilege but my partner and I aren’t feeling very privileged. For the past 10+ years we've barely gotten enough money to pay bills and buy necessities--though we haven't been able to pay for upgrades or home repairs. I imagined having a successful website by this point in my life—not playing spiritual support for my man, who questions reality and his life choices every few years. I’m honoured, truly, but I wonder how long we’re gonna put up with this frustration and disappointment. We are not living our best lives.

I imagined the both of us being the type of people to use privilege while undoing it, maybe that’s why we haven’t experienced much of it. What if the essence of white privilege has become self-aware and is rejecting us? Is that possible? There were more people arrested during the 99% protests, which was mostly peaceful, than when dozens of people stormed the Capitol with to most violence we've seen since... police  roughing up protesters at any other event? Who is this blatantly biased and shitty god of white supremacy and who's feeding him so much power?

Out here in the Midwest we’ve had an intimate experience with casual racism and inconsiderate behaviour—I’ve determined that some white people are genuinely afraid of equality because they think something will be taken from them. An ironic thought, seeing as most of these people have little to begin with; unsatisfying jobs and limited career choice, biased and limited local education, and don't forget this region is where meth was born. How could equality possibly bother them?

Their heads are often filled with ideas that they’re situation won’t change, but black people will get rich. Where does this come from? Who on Earth would want to encourage the idea that equality...isn't actually equal? Where is this idea coming from, 'I may be up to my ears in debt, divorced twice because my meth addiction, but at least I got my pale skin and wispy hair'? When do people realize that much of the casual racism that exists--that blatant distaste for equal rights--is promoted by a system of control? If we are unable to cooperate, unable to  embrace our common ground, we will never challenge our governing system.

White culture has often reminded me of bones. The creature is beyond dead. All that remains of whatever life no longer exists to run or fight or feed... is these dry white bones. We are so similar on the inside, yet somehow our differences on the outside can inspire such fear or contempt—like the scene in Green Book. The white people will pay him for his music, will sit quietly and listen—yet he can’t use their toilet, he has to use the special black people outhouse. I didn’t believe for an instant that boss man got no complaints because it’s super lovely inside…

Remember when everyone shit in the woods? Remember when someone invented outdoor toilets to protect a body from rain or cold? Remember when someone else invented indoor toilets so we could shuffle our feet all dry and cozy like a housecat with a magic litter-box? Remember when the word 'agoraphobic' was invented because some people were terrified to go outside? Humanity has changed a lot during these past several generations; our ancestors from centuries ago, would they know us now?

Humans believe themselves to be so much more than we will ever be with these perspectives of superiority—especially when it’s based on such meaningless or stupid elements.