Thoughts about Life in 2011

People who don’t adapt to changing creative working styles, skirt over a repeating disruption, fight to protect a useless idea—this list could go on and on as examples of ego rising its head to disrupt an energy flow. A natural flow of ideas, creativity, energy, etc exists when people listen well, respect each other, and ask questions. We have long since lost our understanding of what a question is, and why we ask them when we can make them sound like statements or don’t want a straight or true answer.

“Don’t be afraid to beat around the bush” the father tells me, as if I need to learn how to avoid being straight forward. Though it has become abundantly clear that many people don’t like or respect straight forward, especially in circumstances involving women, this is an aspect of society I will always reject. The obsessively romantic, husband hunting, family oriented, house monster wants placating lies that supposedly speak of ultimate love ‘I seek only to spare your feelings, honey.’ The realistic, self-respecting, partner-respecting, life-respecting bitch demands straight talk and rejects placating as insulting—which, in most ways, it is.

Placating strongly suggests that whatever I feel the need to soothe you with, I believe you cannot handle the truth or the blunt honesty I would give someone else. Or, delightfully more complex than this is the gender or social differences that make people less equipped to deal with some things more than others. Yes I could speak plainly, but you don’t like that, I must tell you stories or speak through the common truths of others. So in many ways, which piles on the complexities, I could speak plainly—but I can’t, not really, because of the blockages you create for others to fight past. Blockages made intentionally, defensively, subconsciously—blockages others teach us to build, force us to create. We then must fight these blockages, how they block and why, and this is much easier for those who know how to fight. There are many who have not a clue how to battle past those who set up such blockages; these people are studied quietly or not, so to find why they can’t adapt.

Blockages are a pain in the ass, often literally for their rough passage once they’ve run their course and let go, and this can be triggered from placating. Many more times than I’d like to admit, I have placated and soothed without feeling that I was making the best decision—the right decision. Many people I see nowadays have a drastically diminished sense of right and wrong, and though this has very tangible ground in a child’s background—we make too many excuses that only make situations worse.

The boy who is molested as a child, we feel his pain and our heart reaches out to a wounded young one who is ignored and repressed. Yet the man uses society inflicted advantages to rob rights from others, my heart no longer bleeds. Jeffery Dahmer spoke to police officers after one of his sexual captives escaped—unfortunately for the young man, his skin colour was the wrong shade for a white society. Placating, and serious levels of a frozen heart, can suggest that Dahmer had a very traumatic childhood—separated parents, goes to live with the father he barely knew, never to see his older brother again. It takes a stone heart to see past the jars of male body parts in his home, but mostly because he was a severe case—as other sob story cases have won hearts with “oh but…” as if our decisions in life can be excused.

I had a rough childhood, for the most part—but not unlike many people nowadays, and that’s what I think of when I see myself able to make an excuse for behaviours. Yes, I was exposed to sex before elementary school—by those who were supposed to protect me, certainly. Do I forgive? Not always, not forgotten until final resolution is obtained—will I let this rule my existence when children kill other children because they don’t understand death? Will I stay stuck in my own pain, wallowing in pity for myself, while women are mutilated because of their gender? Little girls married off to men who will not wait until their first blood before consummating their marriage, so to enjoy the youth they lust after—to apologize for the discrepancies of one man to another?

I have learned much, felt much, lost many of my closest emotions as I’ve had to distance myself from certain things throughout my life in order to maintain my sanity. I will not stand by as others are sacrificed as I was because some people  ‘can’t deal’ with the decisions they’ve made. I will not stay silent as boundaries aren’t respected, aren’t established, aren’t defended—as people give up, give in, or refuse to respect changing realities. We are all different, and that is what makes us united—it can, anyway. Thousands of perspectives, focused interests, information gathering hobbies—putting people together for all of these different facets of information, observations for a fuller picture than one white male in a room full of white males can offer.

Five people, five interests of study bring five topics to expand the brain and help us grow. Because we look at things differently, look at different things—tis inevitable that I will see something you don’t, just as you will see something I won’t. A favourite moral message of mine, for its oddity—though I regret I neither remember where it came from or where I heard it. I’ve always found it interesting, for aspects that were forgotten as if they didn’t exist.

Five blind men feel up an elephant, they identify it as five different entities, none of which is an elephant because apparently they lack other senses as well. No one can smell the elephant, who has a very distinct smell even after death. No one can actually feel the elephant, or perhaps they all wear rubber gloves—for an elephant’s skin is extremely unique to….elephants. No one can speak or hear, apparently, for they do not exchange observations. They all lack common sense as well, never branching out to think they might all be touching different parts of the same object.

I always enjoyed the message—take a large object, place five people around it who cannot see it, and watch what they learn and how they gather their information. Without sight there are three movements—touch, push, sniff—it’s an elephant, where’s my cookie?

Bare with me on the connection for this launch, it’s there, just wait for it.

What many people fail to comprehend; note that I didn’t say ‘understand’ because there’s a huge and specific difference—is people are just ‘civilized’ animals. Top hats and cheap leather shoes stripped from a captive cow with no rights and no respect—that is what ‘civilized’ means. The concept of civilization is wary at best, as we use concrete to destroy natural terrain and build metal trees to block the sun’s rays. We drink most of our required liquids from bottles, as our dependency on stimulants and fixations become a life-altering reality. Why give a child a bottle when she’s old enough to demand it with chocolate and coffee? Why cater to adult children but to avoid disruptive energy from their upset, or keep hold on their child wonder? Sleeping children, looking so sweet and innocent as we secretly long to return to such carefree bliss.

The world of adults is often a world of shadows, deceit, ego fucking, and credit—all definitions apply. Being an adult in civilized society means dressing pretty and being special—getting applause like a dancing monkey who looks cute and has a good trick. Appealing to people for the fame and money, supporting children because that’s what people respect—causes that look great on tax returns. Artificial people part of an artificial reality of boredom and superficial nonsense. Who we are often has a lot to do with where we come from because of what resources we have access to, how we are cared for and how we are reprimanded—justly and unjustly. My life is not the same—as a privileged, white woman from old money—as a black man born and raised in the ghetto.

This seems obvious, but that’s why I choose to point out comprehension instead of understanding. We can say we understand something and we may feel we do—but still lack the ability to apply the knowledge because we lack the comprehension to actually understand how those differences affect us in all ways.

How we best can learn is by communicating with others, listening to their truths, voicing our own, and striving to achieve a greater understanding for all. We learn by doing, telling stories, recording our lives and exposing ourselves—if to no one else—to ourselves and those who see us vulnerable.

Live to learn and love, for that is the only true way we find the peace and balance we are trying to find.