You have no idea how tempted I am to title this ‘Monday’ because it is, indeed, a Monday...but then I think to myself ‘you plan to have a website for a while, right? What if you have several posts called ‘Monday’? How sadly unoriginal.’
So instead, the title of this post is Faith and here’s why:
The time now is 5am and that’s not unusual for me on a weekday, not for the past few years or more. Dreaming recently has made my sleep kind of restless and it doesn’t help my energy levels that my monthly death is less than a week away. Also last night, or rather this morning around 3am, Squeaks was squawking about something and perhaps it was the fact that there wasn’t much food in their bowl but honestly we’ll probably never know. Earlier than this, Haruka made noises for equally mysterious reasons and woke both of us up at least once.
We both shuffled downstairs shortly after our alarms went off [mine goes first, so I can prepare the food] feeling less than the ‘refreshed and awesome’ our sleep spell is supposed to set up. Though on that same note, we’re supposed to sleep soundly too…
Zeffy comes inside and informs everyone that the car is covered in ice and of course it is; it was raining last night before we went to bed and then it got cold. I can feel him processing various bits of information in his head: does he want to risk the roads? I’m still mostly asleep at this point, so I’m all about my tasks—make sammy, start water to boil for insta oatmeal, make protein shakes, peel 3 small oranges, put brain powders on counter with tiny spoons.
At some point Zeffy is putting his shoes on again, standing by the door again, and says a few things before going outside. I’m not sure why he does this and sometimes I feel like this is an opening for dialog on my part, special ‘ going away but will be back soon’ dialog.
After he gets back inside, there’s the strawberry incident and imma seriously start putting them in a different container after we bring them home because something breaks and contents are falling on the floor. Normally this is the sort of thing that would have Zeffy laughing but we’ve got too much not-normal these days and it annoys him instead. It’s kind of like the ‘if it’s not one thing, it’s something else’ that we’re supposed to discipline ourselves against—you have to stay relaxed, can’t let the stupid things get to you. But someone else can’t tell you that and when your 6 hours of sleep was disturbed 4 times and you go to start the car and it’s covered in ice, and then the strawberries fall on the floor but when you throw them on the counter, you accidentally knock over your protein shake… sometimes it’s best to go back to bed.
Which is where he is now, snoozing this whole time—and maybe he can balance some of his energy because we’ll both need it for when he’s back up. During his ‘do I go back to bed?’ decision process, he talks about our life as a whole because we’ve been struggling to get things we want. We’ve got a few lottery tickets, perhaps they’ll grant us money to balance out his missed work—which would be really amazing and is totally something I believe is possible, is something we both believe is possible. Things don’t always manifest simply because they’re possible, and this makes me think of a quote from one of my favourite shows:
“You don’t always get what you dream of but you’ll always get what you work for”
Sometimes having faith is a tricky thing and not just because of how many people think all faith is blind, which is simply untrue. In many cases, faith is another word for belief… but with an extra element of trust. I believe in my unique life experience, that I have a goal and will obtain that goal—so I have faith in my higher self, in my path. Sometimes that faith is hard to hold onto, sometimes it makes me feel a little crazy when I think of the sacrifices I’ve made and the priorities I chose.
Returned to finish up… Zeffy got more sleep and now he’s off to work, also I scanned the tickets we have [the ap is on my phone] and perhaps they amazed us in another dimension because they sure didn’t impress us in this one.
As I begin writing, my Pandora channel starts playing The Next Right Thing sang oddly beautifully by Kristen Bell [from Frozen 2] and note that I use the word ‘oddly’ because honestly I had no idea she could sing. {Random note; afterwards they play Harry Chapin? How weird yet nostalgic to hear Cat’s in the Cradle, but does it really fit? Lolz}
The next right thing… sometimes it’s all you can do and I often feel anxiety or a flavour of fear at the idea of this, because what if I don’t know what ‘the right thing’ is? For the moment part of my mind and most of my heart is with Zeffy as he drives to work because probably he’s fine. Probably he’ll get to his destination okay, probably the roads are adequate.
Sometimes the issue on the roads isn’t him, it’s other drivers who seem to have limited power to process their surroundings—we laugh, when safe at home, about the similarities between these oblivious drivers and people with shopping carts in stores. My favourite example is still when a person parks their cart in the middle of an aisle while they stand next to it looking at something on a shelf, effectively creating a blockage unless you want to squeeze through the space left on the other side of the cart. Something strange about people manifests in two questions:
Question one; ‘hi, do you not know that you’re blocking traffic?’
Question two, for people who encounter this blockage; ‘hi, do you realize you can ask him/her/them to move?’
Honestly, what is more disturbing? The person who has such a limited awareness of their environment so to be oblivious to the blockage they’ve created… or the person who can’t pass and will stand and stew until the situation changes, as if they have no power to initiate that change themselves?
Regardless, what I’m getting at is that I’m very optimistic about this week. Why? For two reasons; firstly… well, it makes me happier to be optimistic. The second reason is that I have faith in my life experience; I trust my higher self, I trust my path and I believe that because I want awesome adventures, fun excitement and an abundance of fluffy feelings that even when Monday starts off with annoying events, it’s okay. Note: this is one of our bunnies, my foto, from last spring or whenever
