ADHD & MeBlog

Have I finished Struggling yet?

It's been a really long time since I added anything new to my blog here; honestly, things got a little rough there for a while because when the pandemic began encouraging social distancing, I was already pretty 'social distanced.' Honestly, when I was officially diagnosed a few years back {remember I had to be diagnosed twice because the first time didn't have paperwork and we lost that doctor} I was prescribed off-brand adderall and was on top of the world for several months. I was energetic and focused and feeling fabulous; I did hours of research and learned so much about Executive Functions that I was able to create an 8 post writing project for Societal Fusion. My daily tasks were suddenly taken care of, gasp, every day.

What changed? People on Twitter for ADHD comment like we should all know that taking stimulants [like adderall] isn't a long-term solution, the purpose of taking stimulants is to power-up long enough to create healthy habits and rituals to rely on when you don't want to get out of bed for two days or whatever. I didn't think of that on my own and no one thought of it for me, it's likely Zeffy had some good ideas but nothing stuck. The past year has been kind of chaotic and many reasons for why I haven't posted new blogs is that my laptop doesn't connect to the internets in a way I can trust for website work. I do lots of writing on my laptop every day, sometimes multiple times--but gathering my gear [ergonomic keyboard, flashdrive] and plugging into Zeffy's computer is such a hassle. My computer, which sits on the other side of his in what's left of The Computer Station {we used to 4 player game} I can hardly use that computer these days. I'm wondering if ADHD has any answers to my various questions of: do I get bored of everything eventually and begin to hate stuff? That's a childish simplification; sometimes items grow closer to us with age, like my favourite clothes. Other items simply 'rot' in some form, like worn out sneakers.

These glass desks our 2 computers sit on, I vaguely remember putting them together home alone because Zeffy was at work. I have no way of knowing how much time has passed since that day and it's likely I don't want to know. We bought 4 glass desks and had 4 computers; these days we only have the 2 computers and the 3rd desk holds a fancy printer and Zeffy's STUFF. The 4th desk is gone, I'm not taking any questions at this time.

Some kind of several months ago I had this idea for a joke that could be really funny, but I'm afraid to share it. The joke is "if I take this whole bottle of [prescribed medicine] will I be cured?" I wondered if it was funny because the doctor gave me off-brand adderall which I'm fairly sure would kill me quickly.

In any event, I created a daily checklist late last week; it's a printout, so I can make notes. The weather here has been so draining that I've given myself a pass, though I'd really like to do life better. Lots of people struggle, but they still get stuff done. I'm grateful for my healing path and I trust my higher self.