Feral Social Skills

I often feel like my anxiety has gotten worse over the years, partly because I remember saying ‘my anxiety’ much more often. Growing up I wasn’t anxious, just depressed and edgy—a lot of what ‘became anxiety’ started as ‘freaking out consistently’ and what this means is that at some point, I started becoming more anxious because situations I found myself in {predominately social} were stressful due to my lack of social knowledge. Or a lack of confidence, though I sometimes think of it like: Seth talks about ego and compares it to tree bark, which I really like…therefore I think in terms of ‘for every tree that’s got clusters of thorns growing out of the bark, other trees can only live in mild climates for their gentle natures’ or the like.

My point is, a long time ago I was damaged socially because of unpleasant surprise after unpleasant surprise—behaviours I couldn’t predict, emotions I couldn’t soothe, et cetera. All of my early social training was worthless when I arrived in [Midwest state] but this knowledge only made itself known after it was tested. “Next time you’re in that situation you could…” I’m told over and over again, but social reality had no idea how to help and only caused me more stress or discomfort. I didn’t know how to make the changes I needed, didn’t know how to communicate this fact and eventually was overwhelmed by local angry spirits raging against reality as a whole and looking for people to vent at.

It’s amazing and weird, how some people just want to vocalize their thoughts and feelings—they don’t care if you’re keeping up, sometimes prefer it. I began to realize how widespread the roots and vines of imbalanced masculine energy spread, like poison ivy sneaking around.

The local hub of poison ivy might be 50 feet from it’s furthest stretch of vine, because as vines and roots creep along above and below ground, they set little feet to strengthen their journey outward. Pull up a thick vine and see how it grew in 5+ directions. This represents the imbalance of masculine energy in our world and how it’s able to thrive in some areas because no one cares to go into the woods but to hunt. Ancient poison ivy vines are the thick hairy things bonded with big trees, I’ve seen vines 4 inches thick and can only imagine how wide those vines have spread. I began to realize this society created a culture of men who say ‘I don’t hit women’ as if they are automatically gentlemen, to whom I’ve often wanted to ask if they comprehend the flavour of sexism they’ve embraced, depending on the context in which this sentiment is announced. This society has nurtured a generation of young people who don’t understand what consent is.

Boys are taught to keep pushing, girls are taught not to put up resistance and is it any surprise social reality now includes non-binary people and adults who have no interest in sexual exploration? In previous eras, women were often slapped or handled roughly by the protective men in their lives—I’m not condoning abuse, I just wonder about the changing times. What other problems have we created now that we ‘don’t hit our women like we used to’ so to speak. I suppose my curiosity stems from a haunting visual memory; it was a captured video, perhaps shared on TikTok or Youtube. There’s a man sitting on a couch or low chair, a woman is standing only a few feet in front of him screaming at him in full force—hands going, attitude employed, leaning over slightly. He sits silently but also with an air of defiance and I wonder what happened to humans because if I’m ever screaming at anyone like that, I’d like someone to calm me the fuck down with quality methods.

I think of this change of ‘normal’ like when the bumpers are removed from a bowling lane; we are no longer protected from getting stuck in a gutter if our ‘aim’ {or however bowling works} is off.

Our bodies are designed like sex machines, a contract I don’t recall signing, and I often resent choosing a ‘carrier’ body because of all the old-fashioned and religious minded people screaming that I’m a natural mother because I have female sex organs. This grand battle for ‘the unborn’ has really been twisting my panties, especially considering how most people should have stopped breeding over a decade ago.

Perhaps we have a reverse Herod thing going on? Someone with too much power thinks ‘the saviour’ might be born and the world is doomed if he gets aborted—figure this is why there were so many forced abortions in the ‘immigrant rest stop facilities’ because ew, our great white saviour can’t possibly come from these people. Our species makes me feel very emotionally tired sometimes, what happened to “live and let live”? Why are there so many religious people demanding we live life their way or suffer? It’s hilarious to think how many people truly believe the god of this perspective is compassionate and forgiving. It’s no wonder so many adults have no common sense {is what Zeffy rants about all the time} because I’m so remembering my church days, following daddy like a good child. We were taught ‘god’ loved us unconditionally; which is contradicted by every single “unless” or “if” daddy and everyone else was constantly throwing around. God loves you unless you don’t follow his path, God loves you if… yadda yadda yadda